Oh, The Stupidity!
I like to think of myself as a smart person. Relatively so, of course, but smart nonetheless. Unfortunately some days my brain revolts and sets out to prove me wrong. Witness, some of the stupid things I've done and said in recent memory.
(1) I was at a football game in high school and I turned to my best friend Jacquee and said, "How many quar- never mind." Yes folks, I was about to ask how many quarters were in a football game. At least I didn't finish the question.
(2) A couple of months ago, I needed to grab something from the top of the hutch in my dining room. I moved a chair over, stood up on top of it and was promptly whacked in the head. Note to self. When standing up on a chair, make sure there's no CEILING FAN turned on above you. Yup, I'm THAT smart.
(3) Another head injury was caused when I was trying to grab something off of the top of the kitchen cupboards. Remembering my recent incident with the chair, I decided to forego that and just climb up on the counter. I should have gone with the chair. Yup, smoked my head on the hood vent on the oven. It left a lovely bruise.
(4) Another high school memory occurred when I'd had my drivers license for about a year and was driving myself and my friend to the homecoming game. My car was an old VW Beetle and took forever to defrost. Since we were running late, I rubbed out a little circle and off we went. We didn't make it very far before I went up on the curb. Here's where I get really smart. Normally, when one drives up on a curb, one turns the other way and gets off of the curb. I panicked. And kept going. Straight into a telephone pole. Fortunately the car wasn't damaged too badly and telephone pole was resilient and escaped without harm.
Okay, I know that I've done worse and many more stupid things, but I'm drawing a blank right now so I'll leave it at that. What have you guys done?
posted by Courtney @ 9:21:00 PM
9 comments
9 Comments:
stupidest thing i've ever done? i have two, and both involve bagels.
1. tried grilling a bagel in the microwave grill. thought that the grilling heat comes from the sides, so i reached in and slide my hand near the top. my hand stuck to the top -- which, obviously, was the grill bit -- and my skin melted like cheese.
2. sliced a bagel open, and noticed that i'd sliced off my left index fingertip and half of my left middle fingernail. ran around like a headless chicken for about 10 minutes, spouting blood everywhere until i passed out with a towel around my hand.
keep me away from fuckin' bagels, man.
Marie- No shit! Wow, those are pretty good. That reminds me of another one of mine, too. I got a bagel and cream cheese from a vending machine at work and the cream cheese came in a foil package. The machine was refrigerated so it was freezing and too hard to spread so genius me does what? Yup. Tried to put it in the microwave. I saw some neat sparks before I quickly turned the thing off. Whoops. I really need to start thinking before I do things.
ever used one of those microwave egg boilers? they're so fun - crack the egg into this egg-shaped cup, put the lid on, follow the instructions . . . and the thing promptly goes BOOM!, covering your microwave in egg and possibly embedding plastic in the sides.
they need to design those things better.
thankya for the mp3 by the way - i love it!
Bhahahaha these are great!
I've done many a stupid thing...many.
I have an egg poacher...I never blew it up, surprisingly. I did blow up a really fatty porkchop once. Man, was that ever sick to clean up!
Marie- I used to use a nice version of those things at a restaurant I worked at for making egg sandwiches. Never tried the cheap plastic kind though. I'm sure I'd explode something. And I'm glad you like the song.
Y&O- Share some of them! C'mon, Marie and I aren't the only silly ones around here!
Cassidy- That's disgusting!
My stupid stories usually include men. They hit on me and I am completely clueless about it. The stupid part comes when they have to almost spell it out for me. What an oblivious moron!
That ceiling fan thing is something I would ABSOLUTELY do.
Heh. Thanks for the chuckle.
Carly- I'd love to hear from examples!
Zube- Yeah, I'm lucky it was on low. That coulda hurt a lot worse than it did. And hey, making you laugh is an honor. You're one of the funniest bloggers I know. :)
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